


Betrayed By The Light

by sksdwrld



Series: Rock the Cradle [9]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Break Up, F/M, Mental Breakdown, post-accident
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-13
Updated: 2014-09-13
Packaged: 2018-02-17 06:17:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2299499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sksdwrld/pseuds/sksdwrld
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marshall was 20 when he made the biggest mistake of his life: breaking up with Elena. At age 26, shortly after his surfing accident (which leaves him paralyzed from the waist down), she comes back into his life as more than a friend but less than a partner and he can't cope when she walks out on him for the second time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Betrayed By The Light

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vega_voices](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vega_voices/gifts).



"I really have to go, Marshall..." Elena said, putting her hand on his chest the way she did when she really meant something. Like she was appealing to his heart. As if she didn't trust that he'd listen to her when she needed him to.

Every other time he'd listened. But what about him? What about his needs? Temporarily, his arms tightened around her, keeping her tucked on his lap where she belonged and where her shining light was all that he needed to find his way in his newly darkened world.

When she left, he knew she would be walking out on him for the last time, despite the conversation they had about keeping things open to possibilities. Not just between them, but with others. And that's when he'd known that she didn't really love him the way he loved her. The way he'd always loved her. But he had to let her go on the off chance that she'd come back to him. Wasn't that what the proverb said?

The problem was that Elena didn't belong to anyone but herself and the band, which was a direct extension of that. She was never coming back, not in this capacity, and he wasn't ready yet to say goodbye. For the second time. For the last time.

"Lainey, wait...give me one last kiss."

"I already gave you six 'one more kisses'," she argued although there was still good humor in her tone.

"I know, but this is the _last_ one, I promise." He swallowed back the lump in his throat as she brushed her knuckles over his cheek. He could feel her pressed against his torso, her weight tugging at his hips, but not the warmth of her on his thighs...

Elena's hair tickled his face and her hand slid around the back of his head and into his hair just before her mouth pressed against his. They'd shared sweet kisses, passionate kisses, furious kisses and desperate kisses but this one was a different sort altogether. This one was Marshall's heart and soul, entreating her for another chance beyond what she'd given him this past month. It was _hello, goodbye, I love you_ and _please don't leave me_ all wrapped into one.

When Elena broke away, it was with a breathy laugh. "Cad." She removed his hand from the inside of her shirt where it had wandered on its own accord, no doubt needing a last taste of the perfect fullness of her breasts. She patted his erection like a small dog and hopped off his lap before he could reel her in again. "You're going to have to take care of that yourself. Sorry about that, but I really do have to get going."

"Yeah, yeah," Marshall sighed, rolling forward as she collected her purse from the countertop and slung it over her shoulder. "Going to have to take care of everything by myself now." Elena sighed and turned toward him and he could see the words on her lips before she spoke them. He shook his head and reached for her hand. "That came out wrong. What I meant was, thank you. Thank you for everything."

Laying a hand on his shoulder, she stooped and kissed his cheek. "De nada. I'm glad I could do something for you, after everything you did for me." Before Marshall could stop to think about her kindness coming from a place of pity or the need to pay him back, she was headed for the door. With her hand on the doorknob, Elena paused and said, "You don't have to walk me down..."

"Good, because I can't." Marshall grinned but she saw right through his weakly constructed facade.

"You're going to be fine, Marshall. I know how easy it is to slip back into old habits but you have to keep pushing forward. And get out of here once in awhile, hunh?"

"Yeah..." He had to clear his throat and his fingers tightened on his wheels, preventing him from going after her when she swung the door open. "Yeah. I will."

"I'll call you when we get settled out on the road..."

"Seems like a contradiction..." Marshall murmured.

"Yeah, well..." she laughed and shrugged. "You know how it is."

"Yeah, I know."

And then that was it. She was stepping out of his life with a jaunty little wave and a grin. "Bye..."

"See you later!" Marshall barely managed not to choke on the desperation of his words. The door clicked shut and she was gone. _Gone_. He waited until he heard the ding of the elevator before smashing his first into the frame of the chair beside him -the one that the two of them had made love in once upon a time; the one that she'd ridden him in just yesterday. The pain that blossomed in his knuckles was nothing like the pain tearing through his heart.

For the second time in his life, she was leaving him in a sea of his own stupidity and running off to the comfort of her bandmates. The ones that never seemed to let her down. It was all his fault and he was never going to get over that. If he hadn't fucked things up between them in the first place...JJ wouldn't have been rubbing shit in his face about how the mess he'd made of their lives was good album fodder. Marshall wouldn't have gone out surfing with his brain occupied with thoughts other than about the waves themselves. He wouldn't be sitting there, half a man, too afraid of the public's response to escort Elena to her car.

Marshall rolled into the kitchen and clicked off the light. Already, the sun was setting and dim light filtered through the shades that Elena had left open. Soon, darkness had taken over and it was then that he allowed himself to cry.

***

_There was a passion in her eyes that hadn't been there a few minutes before and even Marshall hadn't been listening to her, he would have guessed that she was talking about the tour. About the band. It was the only thing these days that seemed to bring any animation and life to her features these days. He'd made dinner but it had been quiet, mostly with him staring at his plate and trying to shut out the voice that had started out small, sporadic and quiet and grown into a nagging, raging beast._

_He thought about Elena leaving again; touring the country. The lack of stability. That anything could set her off at any time. That anything could happen and he couldn't stop her, couldn't save her, wouldn't even be there to help her. That he was here alone while she was anywhere but._

_The stress was taking a toll on him. One of the tabloids had run an article comparing past photos of him to recent ones with a commentary questioning his mental state and linking it to that of his parents. _Marshall Malone: Where have all the smiles gone?_ At first, he'd laughed. But the more he thought about it, the more it seemed right, for once. They'd been fighting a lot lately and the idea of coming home after a long day didn't hold the same thrill that it used to. He didn't miss the look she passed him after noticing that he'd been drifting amidst his thoughts and he felt himself tense for another fight._

_Marshall sighed as he slumped defeatedly and the mutter he'd meant to keep under his breath came out more loudly than he intended. "I can't do this anymore."_

_"What?" Her tone immediately sharpened and he sank down in the arm chair with his face in his hands. His heart thudded in his chest and his breath caught in his throat._

_"I can't do this - _this_ \- anymore."_

_"What does that mean?" Elena's voice dropped to a whisper and he couldn't look at her._

_"Things aren't the way they used to be, Lainey, and I can't...can't keep going on this way. Maybe," he tried to swallow then licked his lips. Every fiber of his body tried to keep him from saying what was on his mind. He said it anyway. "Maybe we just need to take a break."_

_"What?"_

_Why did she keep saying that? Did he really have to dig this hole alone? He lifted his head from his hands, eyes stinging with unshed tears. _Don't do this!_ her eyes pleaded. His heart beat the same rhythm. _You're twenty, life shouldn't be this hard yet,_ his brain argued. _You deserve a break._ "Maybe...we should break up. I can't keep doing this."_

_He watched as Elena shifted her weight, wobbling a bit before lowering to sit on the coffee table. "You keep saying that."_

_Marshall needed to clarify. He knew it, but he didn't know what to say. After a pause, he blurted, "I can't watch you anymore...I can't spend the rest of my life waiting for you to end yours. You're too much for me, Laniey."_

_That much was true. What was Marshall compared to her? A pretty face. A television personality. A socialite. He didn't have her depth, her vision, her talent. She was too good for him. She always had been. Delicate and lovely and sweet. And when she crashed: when she talked about herself as if she were this broken, ruined thing, it broke him too. He wasn't man enough to save her from herself. He didn't know how to keep her whole. His love wasn't enough. He wasn't enough._

***

Marshall hadn't been enough four years ago, when he had the use of his legs. When he was strong and tall and tackling life head on. What could he possibly have to give her now that he was half a man? A useless cripple in a wheelchair. He didn't have a career anymore. He was relying on the charity of his family to carry him through. He couldn't even take care of himself. How did he expect to take care of anyone else?

"I'm sorry, Lainey, I'm not enough..." He said into the darkness. "But I need you."

**Author's Note:**

> Crawling by Linkin Park
> 
> [Chorus:]  
> Crawling in my skin  
> These wounds they will not heal  
> Fear is how I fall  
> Confusing what is real
> 
> There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
> Consuming, confusing  
> This lack of self-control I fear is never ending  
> Controlling. I can't seem...
> 
> [Bridge:]  
> To find myself again  
> My walls are closing in  
> (without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)  
> I've felt this way before  
> So insecure
> 
> [Chorus]
> 
> Discomfort endlessly has pulled itself upon me  
> Distracting, reacting  
> Against my will I stand beside my own reflection  
> It's haunting how I can't seem...
> 
> [Bridge]
> 
> [Chorus]
> 
> [Chorus]
> 
> There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface consuming,  
> Confusing what is real.  
> This lack of self-control I fear is never ending controlling,  
> Confusing what is real.


End file.
